Mother's Day Out

Happy Mother's Day Out sweet baby girl

On Tuesday, Andrew and I took Ellie to meet her Mother's Day Out teacher.  I quickly learned something about myself.  As a former teacher, I have VERY high expectations for all of Ellie's teachers.  Watch out future Ellie educators...I am mommy, hear me roar!  I am not kidding, I took it SO seriously.  I had to give myself a few reminders that she is only going for social skills and time to be independent from mommy (it's not like she will be learning how to write essays and multiply!!)

She kept running under my legs saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy"

There are four kiddos in her class.  Three girls and one boy.  I know that one of the other girls has never been left with anyone besides family.  This is basically the same case for Ellie.  Maybe they can share some tears on Thursday morning?!?  Her bestie, Luke (aka "wook") goes to the same Mother's Day Out program.  But, since he is a year older, he is in a different class.
Throughout the day on Wednesday I filled her sweet little backpack with diapers and a change of clothes and I put her name label on her sippy cup.  I made her very first "first" day of school sign!  I also spent lots of time talking to Ellie about going to school.  When I say school, she responds with "teacher".  When I say teacher, she responds with "school".  It's super adorable that she can already connect the two words in her mind!

Around midnight on Wednesday, Andrew got home from work and had some very sad news.  He wasn't going to be able to make it to drop her off with me in the morning.  Mini anxiety attacks started right then (and I think they are just now slowing down...).
This morning, I woke Ellie up with a fun made-up song about starting Mother's Day Out, going to school, seeing her teacher, and making new friends.  She seemed to enjoy it :) I put her in her new outfit, snapped a million pictures (MUST get a nice camera ASAP) and loaded her up in the car.

She was pointing out the E, S, and M :)

She started saying school when we pulled in the parking lot and she seemed eager to walk up to the building.  We walked in and said hi to 'Wook" and told him to have a fabulous day!   She pulled me towards her room, and then stopped in her tracks.  I really had to encourage her to go through the doorway.  Uh-oh...my heart starts pounding.  None of the other kiddos were there yet.  I wasn't exactly sure how to handle this.  Do I give her a quick kiss and try to leave before she realizes what's happening?  Too late!  "Mommy, mommy, mommy" she cried while clinging to my leg.  I kept repeating to myself, "Do NOT cry Stacy.  Do NOT cry."  She found an interesting toy, so her teacher and I brought it over to the table and helped her get into a chair.  Her teacher sat down beside her.  Another kiddo comes in, her mommy drops her off and leaves before I can even say good morning!!  Uh-oh...am I drawing this out too long?  Seriously, how am I supposed to do this?  Ellie seemed interested in the toy, so I gently kissed her precious forehead, whispered how much I loved her and that mommy would be back soon.  I walked out the door, she started screaming, and another kiddo walked in the door at the same moment.  Uh-oh...do I go back in?  Do I keep walking?  What do I do?!?!  Cry.  The tears just poured.  My baby girl was screaming my name, and I stood in the hall and cried.  I had to sign her in, and I am fairly certain that I signed on another child's name.  I walked to my car, texted Katie that I was in the car, and cried.  Heart ache.
My precious friend Katie knew I would be heart broken.  She waited in the hall outside Ellie's door until she heard Ellie calm down.  She snapped a quick picture of her sitting in the teacher's lap and ran out to hug me tight!  Her big guy, Wook, did much better with drop off today.  No tears for him!!
Andrew surprised me by pulling into the parking lot about five minutes later!  I was so thankful to see him, but so bummed because I knew there was no way on earth either he or I could step foot inside that building. I didn't want Ellie to get upset again!  He hugged me and told me we were doing the right thing and headed back to work.
What now?  I felt a little lost.  I hadn't really made plans for the morning.  I made my way to Starbucks and drowned my sorrows in a salted caramel white mocha.  It helped ease my pain!  I sat in my car in the parking lot.  I called my mom and cried as I retold the whole story.  Then, I texted my sweet friend Kaitlyn an update.  Then, I texted the director of Mother's Day Out (she had told me I was welcome to text her at any time to check on Ellie).  She quickly responded that Ellie wasn't crying anymore and that she loves the playground!!  She even took the time to send me a picture of Ellie playing!  I started crying all over again when I got the picture, but more tears of relief than of sorrow.

Picture update from director!

Whew....I honestly thought I was so ready for this.  I knew I would be sad when she cried, but I didn't know how much it would make my whole body hurt.  But, I am thankful that she is in safe, caring hands 5 minutes from my house.
I am excited to go pick her up though!  I want to peek in on her for a few minutes to see how things are going, we'll see if that works out!!